There have been many funny / annoying episodes with Red Riding Dude and his bike until I got the gist of sitting pretty on his back.
As my expertise in bikes is none to zilch, the observations here are, unless otherwise specified, concerning this bike only.
And so I have learnt that in tight corners, at considerable speed, the rider doesn’t really rest in the seat, but steers the motorbike in a way that makes me think of figure skating. Brake, sway to the left, gas. Brake, sway to the right, gas. In tight, consecutive corners like hairpins this movement is quite flowing and graceful. Or at least that’s how I perceive it perched up behind him. And in this little dance of flow and grace, the pillion must move one with the pilot. With the passion and intensity of a potato bag. Which is not at all. Or else, both rider and potato bag go vrrum… bang!
But let’s not forget, Rapunzel here is the overzealous-est of ‘em all! After the Big Revelation that there is more seat behind her, without encroaching on the pilot, the possibilities were endless.
On a beautiful stretch of road between Buxton and Macclesfield, called the Cat & Fiddle the possibilities got the best of me. Freshly initiated in the art of good pillion-ing, it came very natural to also show off my talents. And so one with the pilot, I began swaying through the hairpins. Left, right, left, right, shifting ass, left, right, lift out of the seat.. What?! Are we getting that knee down?
This is what a Cat & Fiddle looks like. Mysteriously, none were spotted on the road
On a more serious note, this is what the road looks like
For a few moments it felt so liberating and natural to do this, that it never occurred to me how risky I was being.
In my happy bubble, I could see myself riding bike and pilot like nobody’s business, with the same skill and grace as Red Riding Dude. In reality…
This is what the rider does when taking cornersThis is probably what I was doing. It’s a pretty sure way to go vrrum… bang!
Considering my little endeavours were taking place at significant speed and in tight hairpins, I was very very lucky Red knew exactly how to countersteer my lame attempts at riding his bike. As I got no telltale that anything was wrong, I kept at it til our first coffee break:
Red: I see you found more seat at the back. Excellent! Now you can get off mine.
Me, all smiles: Yes, yes, yes.
Red: And now you are also supporting yourself better on your own two legs, so the foot peg doesn’t bounce back anymore.
Me, smiling so much it aches: Yes, yes, yes.
Red: It helps a lot when I brake. You don’t scrunch me up anymore.
Me: Yes, yes, yes. And I figured what to do in corners when you lean.
Red, a bit serious: Umm… yeah, about that. If you could keep your ass down through that would be excellent.
Me, smiles declining rapidly: Riiiight… You mean I didn’t do good in corners?
Red: Not quite.
Me: You mean I did bad?
Red: A bit.
Me, downright peeved off: Natural talent my ass!
Red: It’s not your job to steer the bike in corners.
Me, close to tears: Understood.
Red, gently: You sat very nicely though. Really good on brakes. Just keep your ass down.
Me: But it felt really good, you know. One with the bike and you…
Red: Errmm… not quite.
Me: Ok, ok. I’ll behave.
And behaved I did. As graceful and passionate as a bag of potatoes.
I think it worked. A few months later after a solo spin he called to say he misses the potatoes…
Au mai fost episoade funny si enervante pana am invatat sa sed frumos in sa. A durat mult de exemplu pana sa inteleg ca mai exista sa mai in spate si nu trebuie sa stai cocotata in carca bietului om.
Vorbind strict de naravasa lui Gigel cel Viteaz, in curbe ascutite luate la o viteza considerabila pilotul nu prea tine fundul in sa, ci vireaza motocicleta intr-un fel ce mie-mi inspira a patinaj artistic. Frana, leganat pe stanga, acceleratie, frana, leganat pe dreapta s.am.d. La curbele stranse ca in ace de par, pentru ca succesiunea e foarte rapida leganatul asta devine o miscare constanta si foarte armonioasa. Armonioasa pentru el, pilotul, asa cum o percep eu din spate. Iar in toata armonia asta pasagerul trebuie sa se incline exact cat se inclina pilotul. Cam cu avantul si ardoarea unui sac de cartofi. Adica deloc. Daca nu, si pilot si sac de cartofi fac buf.
Ete asa se face buf!
Si cum Rapunzica e no.1 la exces de zel, odata ce a descoperit ca exista sa in spate si picioarele nu se faramiteaza daca le tine mai incordate… floare la ureche, calaritul asta.
Right? Right 😐
Pe un drum foarte frumos ce se cheama Pisica & Scripca plin de ace de par si alte delicii pentru motociclisti excesul meu de zel got the best of me. Proaspat intitiata intr-ale cocotarii cu folos, mi s-a parut absolut firesc sa ma si dau in stamba. Asa ca in acele de par ce-au urmat am inceput sa fiu… una cu pilotul. Leganus pe stanga, leganat si eu. Leganus pe dreapta, leganat si eu. Ridicat din sa… yeah, baby!
Fireste in ignoranta mea, ma vedeam calarind cu aceeasi gratie si indemanare ca Gigel cel Viteaz. Una cu pilotul si cu motocicleta. In reality…
This is what you should do:
Asa da
And this is what I was probably doing:
Asa ba
Toate astea intamplandu-se la viteze considerabile si in curbe deloc usoare.
Si cum n-am primit nici cel mai mic semn de ingrijorare, i-am dat inainte cu leganusul meu cand pe o parte cand pe alta, fericita ca I got this whole curba si motor thing and I am so rocking it.
I got this, I am rocking it, I got it… I so had it!
Luckily, Gigel nu e viteaz degeaba si stie ce trebuie sa faca atunci cand pasagera lui se da in leagan like nobody’s business pe spatele lui, astfel incat sa nu facem buf cu totii.
El: Observ ca ai descoperit ca mai ai sa in spate. Foarte bine.
Eu, toata un emoji zambicios: Da, da, da!
El: Si acuma te tii si tu pe picioare, deci nu-ti mai scapa scarita..
Eu, zambarind si mai tare: Da, da, da!
El: Si ma ajuta la frane, sa stii. Nu te mai aduni toata peste mine
Eu, pocnind de atata fericire: Da, da, da! Si am descoperit ce sa fac si la curbe… cum sa ma inclin.
El, serios un pic: Mda, daca ai putea sa tii totusi fundul pe sa, ar fi mai bine.
Eu, mai scazand din emojis: Daaa… ?
Tot eu: Adica… adica n-am facut bine deloc in curbe?
El: Nu prea
Eu: Oh! Adica am facut rau?
El: Cam da
Eu, emoji inciudat: Rossi pe dracu’!
El: Haha! Da’ nu e treaba ta sa inclini motocicleta!
Eu, emoji pe cale de smiorc: Am inteles
El, mai cu blandete: Ai stat foarte bine. Si se simte mult la frane, dar… umm.. tine totusi fundu’n sa.
Eu: But it felt really good. Ma simteam lipita toata de tine si foarte la unison
El: Aaaa… nu chiar
Eu: Mm.. Inteleg, inteleg
Drept pentru care, bosumflata sa ba, la intoarcere am sezut mai mumos ca Bubico.
Ba chiar dupa vreo cateva luni, mi-a marturisit ca a scos bicicleta la o tura si i-a lipsit sacul de cartofi din spate. Acu’ daca nici aia nu mai e tru lav… Nici eu nu mai stiu ce e.
… Or A Short Guide on How to Look Like an Idiot When Riding Pillion
Disclaimer: this does actually qualify as official advice on how to look like an idiot. But for some worthwhile advice on how to ride pillion, go check out this article from people who know what they’re talking about.
Once upon a time there was a Red Riding Dude who did everything in his power to conquer the beautiful princess.
Aiding his quests were a bunch of 150 beautiful little horses strategically used to soften the heart of the princess.
Sample photo of 150 little horses
… If only Rapunzel knew how to sit nicely.
As a complete and utter noob to the biking world, I had not the foggiest as to where on that bike is my arse suppose to go. Worth noting, anywhere but the same seat as the rider!
Much faffing later, I kinda learnt how to keep hold of the beast between my legs… After a while I got used to the motorbike too.
Rapunzel here can confirm to everyone’s delight that this bike definitely fits the bill for any erotic pain lovers out there. Any rider worth his salt is much hotter than Mr Grey. There will be pain, there will be control, and there will be pleasure.
To understand the pain I keep banging on, the position one must adopt as pillion is a permanent half squat and half push up (for every brake) with your hands tightly wrapped together on top of the fuel tank. This is also useful for hanging on to dear life. In addition it makes the pilot’s life easier, so you don’t pile on their back at every brake.
It is understandable perhaps that I needed a little limb check at every traffic light. Just to make sure they’re still attached.
It is over at one of these traffic lights when Red Riding Dude, experienced biker and absolute alpha male looking to stir some awe in the traffic, gets bike, girl and all at the front of the queue determined to take off with some psaz.
Blissfully unaware of any of this, Rapunzel was happily stretching some limbs.
Now imagine you’re sat in your car at the traffic lights, bike weaves ahead, sexy girl on the back etc. etc. So when moments later she is all arms in the air, ass left behind, scrambling like a mad cat to climb back onto him…
Once he realised I was flailing miserably behind him, he was kind enough to hit the brake a bit and collect the baggage. He was also kind enough to give me a bollocking:
When the bike pulls at the traffic lights, stay the fuck put. No taking your feet off the pegs. Hands, take off in turns. And keep eyes on the traffic lights at all times.
You may stretch some legs, arms, and check your head is still attached, but you’re still on a motorbike in direct connection with nature. If you let go you will be in a far more intimate connection than you’d like.
When bike goes to the front of the queue for the traffic lights, the purpose is usually to leave a little bit faster than everyone else. People do not appreciate being taken over by an idiot who drags his feet when the green light comes on.
I shushed and took it, for as long as he is on that bike Red Riding Dude knows best.
Your Kind Of Girl 